


Messages

by starryeyedchar



Series: Klance YouTuber AU [5]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, M/M, Pranking, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Song Lyrics, Texting, YouTubers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2018-12-13 10:34:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11758020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryeyedchar/pseuds/starryeyedchar
Summary: Lance is known as a very 'all over the place' YouTuber. He decides it'll be funny to pick a song, and text the lyrics to his boyfriend with no context whatsoever.As he expected, it's extremely entertaining. So he decides to do it to all his friends (plus Lotor, because why miss a chance to mess with him?).Alternately titled; Lance is a Little Shit.





	1. Sorry (Keith)

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you who are following this full AU and not just happening upon this one work... don't worry. 'The Nyma Incident' is going to be the next work.

_**Lance**_ : u gotta go and get angry at all of my honesty

 

_**Keith**_ : hi?

  
_**Lance**_ : u know i try but i don't do too well with apologies

  
_**Keith**_ : oh boy here we go what did you do now

 

_**Lance**_ : i hope i don't run out of time could someone call a referee?

 

_**Keith:** _ just get to the point

_**  
Lance**_ : cause i just need one more shot at forgiveness

 

_**Keith:**_ Lance spit it out you've probably done worse before honestly

  
  
_**Lance**_ : i know u know that i made those mistakes maybe once or twice

 

_**Keith**_ : 'once or twice' yea mhm

  
_**Lance**_ : and by once or twice i mean maybe a couple of hundred times

 

_**Keith**_ : that sounds about right

  
_**Lance**_ : so let me, oh, let me redeem, oh, redeem, oh, myself tonight

 

_**Keith**_ : are you insinuating what I think you are because if you are just get to the point jesus

  
_**Lance**_ : cause i just need one more shot, second chances

 

_**Keith**_ : you haven't even told me what you dID yet

  
  
_**Lance**_ : yeah

 

_**Keith**_ : okay so?? what happened

  
_**Lance**_ : is it too late now to say sorry?

 

_**Keith**_ : I'm getting kinda impatient so maybe

  
_**Lance**_ : cause im missing more than just ur body

 

_**Keith**_ : Lance I literally saw you this morning,,, also calm down

 

_**Lance**_ : is it too late now to say sorry?

 

_**Keith**_ : you asked that already but you still have to get to the point

  
_**Lance**_ : yea i know that i let u down

  
_**Keith**_ : but I don't because you haven't told me

 

_**Lance**_ : is it too late to say im sorry now?

 

_**Keith**_ : I think you've apologized enough at least until you actually inform me what's going on

 

_**Keith**_ : did you forget to buy almond milk again?

  
_**Lance**_ : im sorry yeah

 

_**Keith**_ : Lance I really don't care about milk as much as you do mr. tres leches cake

  
_**Lance**_ : sorry, yeah

 

_**Keith**_ : you're fine would you just hurry up and come home already

  
_**Lance**_ : sorry

 

_**Keith**_ : stop apologizing the hell?

 

_**Keith**_ : this is why I do the grocery shopping

  
_**Lance**_ : yeah i know that i let you down

 

_**Keith**_ : you really didn't

  
_**Lance**_ : is it too late to say sorry now?

 

_**Keith**_ : Lance you are the most melodramatic person I've ever met

  
_**Lance**_ : ill take every single piece of the blame if u want me to

 

_**Keith**_ : oh my g o d

  
_**Lance**_ : but u know that there is no innocent one in this game for two

 

_**Keith**_ : what??? I wasn't even there?

  
_**Lance**_ : ill go, ill go and then u go, u go out and spill the truth

 

_**Keith**_ : the fuck does that even mean

  
_**Lance**_ : can we both say the words and forget this?

 

_**Keith**_ : okay??? I don't understand why you think this is such a big issue

  
_**Lance**_ : yea

 

_**Keith**_ : yea what??

  
_**Lance**_ : is it too late now to say sorry?

 

_**Keith**_ : I swear to god

  
_**Lance**_ : cause im missing more than just ur body

  
_**Keith**_ : LANCE

 

_**Lance**_ : is it too late now to say sorry?

 

_**Keith**_ : would you stop asking that stupid question who c a r e s

  
_**Lance**_ : yeah, i know that i let u down

  
_**Lance**_ : is it too late to say im sorry now?

 

_**Keith**_ : u g h

  
_**Lance**_ : im not just trying to get u back on me

 

_**Keith**_ : where did that even come from

 

_**Lance**_ : cause im missing more than just your body

 

_**Keith**_ : yes we've established that

  
_**Lance**_ : is it too late now to say sorry?

 

_**Keith**_ : maybe for this stupid ass conversation

  
_**Lance**_ : yeah, i know that i let you down

  
_**Keith**_ : did you only think up like three apologetic phrases and you're just copying and pasting

 

_**Lance**_ : is it too late to say im sorry now?

 

_**Keith**_ : I'll take that as a yes okay bye

 

_**Lance**_ : wait babe!!!!!!

 

_**Lance**_ : it was a prank!!!! lol got u good

 

_**Keith**_ : so you did remember the almond milk?

  
_**Lance**_ : no lmao i'm at hunks and sending u song lyrics

 

_**Keith**_ : what the fuck Lance

 

_**Lance**_ : for a vid

 

_**Lance**_ : u really do live under a rocj

 

_**Lance**_ : rock*

 

_**Keith**_ : Lance we live t o g e t h e r

 

_**Lance**_ : >:(

 

_**Keith**_ : :)

 

_**Lance**_ : ;))))

 

_**Keith**_ : ugh

 

_**Keith**_ : does this mean that I'm the one who's going grocery shopping

 

_**Lance**_ : yep

 

_**Keith**_ : typical

 

_**Lance**_ : ok love ya bye!!!!!

  
_**Keith**_ :...

 

_**Keith**_ : love you too

 


	2. The SQUIP Song (Pidge)

_**Lance**_ : freshman year

_**Lance**_ : i didn't have a girlfriend or a clue

_**Pidge**_ : Figures

_**Lance**_ : i was a loser just like u

_**Pidge**_ : Wow ok fuck you too

_**Lance**_ : good times would only soar by

_**Pidge**_ : Ok???

_**Lance**_ : i was gross

_**Pidge**_ : You still are

_**Lance**_ : as every female would attest

_**Pidge**_ : Lance are you having another bi-crisis

_**Lance**_ : my sexting was a futile quest

_**Pidge**_ : Probably not as bad as Keith's is though

_**Pidge**_ : Sorry, too far, I just,,, he's so awkward my dude

_**Pidge**_ : ...I'm right though, aren't I?

_**Lance**_ : my little penis was depressed

_**Pidge**_ : Ew

_**Lance**_ : he was so lonely, poor guy

_**Pidge**_ : 'he' Did you just assume your penis' gender?

_**Pidge**_ : That's one of the weirdest things I've ever said

_**Pidge**_ : And I've said a lot of weird things

_**Lance**_ : i was hopeless, hopeless

_**Pidge**_ : Ok so you were hopeless

_**Lance**_ : i was helpless, helpless

_**Pidge**_ : Great

_**Lance**_ : every time i walked the hallway i would trip

_**Pidge**_ : I would pay to see that lmao

_**Lance**_ : i was stagnant and idle

_**Pidge**_ : Ok great

_**Lance**_ : i was so suicidal and then

_**Pidge**_ : Woah wait what the fuck?

_**Pidge**_ : Lance you've never told me that before

_**Lance**_ : then

_**Lance**_ : then

_**Lance**_ : then

_**Pidge**_ : Lance are you stalling

_**Lance**_ : then

_**Lance**_ : then

_**Pidge**_ Lance this is fucking important answer me

_**Lance**_ : then

_**Lance**_ : then

_**Lance**_ : then

_**Lance**_ : then

_**Pidge**_ : Lance I am serious depression is not something you joke about do I need to come over there and make sure you're okay

_**Lance**_ : then

_**Lance**_ : then

_**Lance**_ : then i got a SQUIP

_**Pidge**_ : The fuck is that

_**Lance**_ : its from japan

_**Pidge**_ : Lance you fucking weeb

_**Lance**_ : its a grey oblong pill

_**Pidge**_ : Lance if you're on drugs Hunk and I are gonna cook you alive

_**Lance**_ : quantum nanotechnology cpu

_**Pidge**_ : How the hell do you even know those words?

_**Lance**_ : the quantum computer in the pill

_**Pidge**_ : What??? The pill's a computer now???

_**Lance**_ : will travel through ur blood until

_**Lance**_ : it implants in ur brain and tells u what to do

_**Pidge**_ : Ok,,, sounds fake but ok

_**Lance**_ : ITS FROM JAPAN

_**Pidge**_ : Jesus christ ok

_**Lance**_ : ITS A GREY, OBLONG PILL

_**Pidge**_ : Yes, I've heard

_**Lance**_ : QUANTUM NANOTECHNOLOGY CPU

_**Pidge**_ : Are you seriously about to repeat everything you just said

_**Lance**_ : the quantum computer in the pill

_**Pidge**_ : Oh great you are

_**Lance**_ : will travel through ur blood until

_**Pidge**_ : Idk about that

_**Lance**_ : it implants in ur brain and tells u what to do

_**Pidge**_ : And you're telling me you have one of these things?

_**Lance**_ : IT TELLS YOU WHAT TO DO

_**Pidge**_ : So I've been told

_**Lance**_ : its pre-programmed

_**Pidge**_ : G r e a t

_**Pidge**_ : How many times do I need to say great before you leave me alone?

_**Lance**_ : its amazing

_**Pidge**_ : I think I'll take your word for it pal

_**Lance**_ : speaks to u directly

_**Pidge**_ : That sounds creepy tho

_**Lance**_ : helps u behave as

_**Pidge**_ : Behave as what?? A lunatic like you?

_**Lance**_ : its appraising

_**Lance**_ : helps u act correctly

_**Pidge**_ : I think I'm fine by myself

_**Lance**_ : helps u to be cool

_**Pidge**_ : I'm already cool fam

_**Lance**_ : helps u rule

_**Pidge**_ : Are you rhyming for effect

_**Lance**_ : picture this

_**Pidge**_ Ok so I guess I'm humoring you now

_**Lance**_ : nobody cares if u are late

_**Pidge**_ : That'd actually be pretty cool

_**Lance**_ : cause even teachers think ur great

_**Pidge**_ : My teachers always think I'm great

_**Lance**_ : ur weekend's just a full-on slate

_**Pidge**_ : Slate???

_**Lance**_ : off blowout benders

_**Lance**_ : of teenage rockstar splendors

_**Pidge**_ : Cool???

_**Lance**_ : right now ur helpless, helpless

_**Pidge**_ : Not really

_**Lance**_ : u r almost hopeless

_**Pidge**_ : Again, ouch

_**Lance**_ : on the school social map ur just a blip

_**Pidge**_ : Ok that's actually fair

_**Lance**_ : but if u take my advice

_**Pidge**_ : This is hella shady advice

_**Lance**_ : and if u pay the listed price

_**Pidge**_ : Wow,,, a catch,,, who could've seen that coming

_**Lance**_ : well then u go from sad, to interesting, to hip

_**Pidge**_ : Bitch I am hip

_**Lance**_ : yea ur whole life will flip

_**Pidge**_ : Imma choose to take that as you agreeing with me

_**Lance**_ : when u buy a squip

_**Pidge**_ : Ugh

_**Lance**_ : hey, yeah, a squip

_**Pidge**_ : Shut up

_**Lance**_ : yeah, yeah, a squip

_**Pidge**_ : It still def sounds fake

_**Lance**_ : a squip

_**Pidge**_ : I g e t it

_**Lance**_ : no longer a drip when u've got in ur grip

_**Lance**_ : a squip

_**Lance**_ : a squip

_**Lance**_ : a squip

_**Pidge**_ : Are you high or should I be legitimately worried?

_**Lance**_ : pidge i got u good

_**Pidge**_ : ?

_**Lance**_ : its a songgggg

_**Pidge**_ : The fuck kind of song is that

_**Pidge**_ : Why didn't you bother Hunk with this

_**Lance**_ : i tried but he knows broadway musicals too well

_**Pidge**_ : Fair enough

_**Pidge**_ : Now leave me alone

_**Lance**_ : aye aye captain

* * *

**BONUS:**

_**Lance**_ : freshman year

_**Lance**_ : i didn't have a girlfriend or a clue

_**Hunk**_ : Nice try dude

_**Lance**_ : fuck

_**Hunk**_ : I'm the one who introduced you to BMC

_**Lance**_ : shit u right

_**Hunk**_ : Try it on Pidge

_**Lance**_ : this is why ur my best friend

_**Hunk**_ : :D

 


	3. Jenny (Shiro)

_**Lance**_ : shiro darling ur my best friend

_**Shiro**_ : I'm flattered, but Hunk's your best friend. So I assume you want something from me.

_**Lance**_ : but theres a few things that u don't know of

_**Shiro**_ : What?

_**Lance**_ : why i borrow ur lipstick so often

_**Shiro**_ : Lance you borrowed my eyeliner one time.

_**Lance**_ : im using ur shirt as a pillow case

_**Shiro**_ : I knew you stole my hoodie the last time we made a video together, but??? What???

_**Lance**_ : i wanna ruin our friendship

_**Shiro**_ : I feel like I'm missing something here.

_**Lance**_ : we should b lovers instead

_**Shiro**_ : Okay, very funny.

_**Lance**_ : i dont know how to say this

_**Shiro**_ : You're joking, right?

_**Lance**_ : cause ur really my dearest friend

_**Shiro**_ : I mean thank you but seriously what?

_**Lance**_ : shiro darling ur my best friend

_**Shiro**_ : You said that already.

_**Lance**_ : ive been doing bad things that u don't know about

_**Shiro**_ : Okay but,,, what though?

_**Lance**_ : stealing ur stuff now and then

_**Shiro**_ : That's actually a bit concerning.

_**Lance**_ : nothing ud miss but it means the world to me

_**Shiro**_ : I feel like that was supposed to make me less alarmed, but it had the opposite effect.

_**Lance**_ : i wanna ruin our friendship

_**Shiro**_ : Not this again

_**Lance**_ : we should b lovers instead

_**Shiro**_ : Lance, stop. I'm with Allura, you're with Keith and??? This is vaguely getting on my nerves.

_**Lance**_ : i don't know how to say this

_**Lance**_ : cause ur really my dearest friend

_**Shiro**_ : Are you actually serious right now?

_**Lance**_ : i wanna ruin our friendship

_**Shiro**_ : Lance I'm sorry but I don't like you that way.

_**Lance**_ : i don't know how to say this

_**Lance**_ : cause ur really my dearest friend

_**Shiro**_ : Lance.

_**Lance**_ : shiro take my hand

_**Shiro**_ Lance we're texting.

_**Lance**_ : cause we are more than friends

_**Shiro**_ : Lance, no, we're not. I was sure you were happy with Keith?? You've been together for almost three years, what gives???

_**Lance**_ : i will follow u until the end

_**Shiro**_ : Lance this isn't entertaining.

_**Lance**_ : shiro take my hand

_**Shiro**_ : If you keep going I'm telling Keith. I'm sure you're joking but if you're actually hitting on me...

_**Lance**_ : i cannot pretend

_**Shiro**_ : Pretend what?

_**Lance**_ : why i never liked ur new girlfriend

_**Shiro**_ : Allura and I have been together for a while, too.

_**Lance**_ : oh ur love for her won't last long

_**Shiro**_ : That's it, I'm telling Keith.

_**Lance**_ : forget those amigos

_**Lance**_ : oh ur love for her won't last long

_**Lance**_ : forget those amigos

_**Lance**_ : … are u ignoring me now?

_**Shiro**_ : I sent a screenshot to Keith. Because you're not as funny as you think you are. This really got on my nerves, and I bet he'd be annoyed by it too.

_**Lance**_ : shiro

_**Lance**_ : s h i r o

_**Lance**_ : my dude

_**Lance**_ : my man

_**Lance**_ : it's a s o n g

_**Shiro**_ : What?

_**Lance**_ : everything i sent u

_**Lance**_ : i mean i had to switch up pronouns and stuff but jenny by studio killers? ring a bell?

_**Shiro**_ : Oh

_**Lance**_ : no reason to get all pissy

_**Shiro**_ : I thought you might actually be serious for a second there.

_**Lance**_ : sorry man ur a catch but keith is the love of my life

_**Shiro**_ : As sweet as that is, I... sent a screenshot to Keith. Cause I figured he'd want to talk to you about it.

_**Shiro**_ : He hasn't responded, but I can see that he read it? I'm worried he's upset, where is he??

_**Lance**_ : lmao he's sitting next to me on the couch he's been reading this with me

_**Lance**_ : he didn't respond bc he was laughing too hard

_**Shiro**_ : Oh

_**Lance**_ : so don't worry we good

_**Lance**_ : sorry for freaking you out lol

_**Shiro**_ : But,,, I also sent a screenshot to Allura.

_**Lance**_ : oh fUCK

_**Lance**_ : WAIT SHE'S LITERALLY TEXTING ME NOW ADSFGHWIRJKL

_**Shiro**_ : I am,,, so sorry.

_**Lance**_ : keith is still laughing at me rip @ me

_**Lance**_ : i'm gonna go see what she saiddd

_**Shiro**_ : Again, sorry. Tell Keith I said hi.

_**Lance**_ : fwkehygf you got it

* * *

 

**BONUS:**

_**Allura**_ : Shiro sent me a screenshot

_**Lance**_ : i swear i can explain

_**Allura**_ : Jenny by studio killers, right?

_**Allura**_ : Love that song

_**Lance**_ : holy f u c k

_**Allura**_ : Nice one

_**Lance**_ : ur the best

_**Allura**_ : I know

 


	4. Hello (Lotor)

_**Lance**_ : hello its me

_**Lotor**_ : Lance?? If you're asking to do a collab video again, sorry but I don't want to.

_**Lance**_ : i was wondering if after all these years ud like to meet

_**Lotor**_ : Knew it.

_**Lance**_ : to go over everything

_**Lotor**_ : There's not much to go over, in my opinion. I don't like you.

_**Lance**_ : they say that times supposed to heal ya

_**Lotor**_ : Where are you going with this?

_**Lance**_ : but i ain't done much healing

_**Lotor**_ : Well I'm sorry but I really don't care.

_**Lance**_ : hello can u hear me?

_**Lotor**_ : This is a text not a call. Stop being dramatic.

_**Lance**_ : im in california dreaming about who we used to be

_**Lotor**_ : There was never a 'we' Lance, we've pretty much always hated each other.

_**Lance**_ : when we were younger and free

_**Lotor**_ : I didn't know you when I was younger.

_**Lance**_ : ive forgotten how it felt

_**Lance**_ : before the world fell at our feet

_**Lotor**_ : Well it is a little odd to think about life before youtube, but in a good way.

_**Lance**_ : there's such a distance between us

_**Lotor**_ : Well I am in the UK.

_**Lance**_ : and a million miles

_**Lotor**_ : ...Not that much.

_**Lance**_ : hello from the other side

_**Lotor**_ : You make it sound as if you're dead, Lance.

_**Lotor**_ : One can only hope, I suppose.

_**Lance**_ : i must have called a thousand times

_**Lotor**_ : Admittedly, I had your number blocked for a while there.

_**Lance**_ : to tell u im sorry for everything that ive done

_**Lotor**_ : I didn't expect an apology, but it's been a bit long in coming. So thanks, I guess.

_**Lance**_ : but when i call u never seem to be home

_**Lotor**_ : I told you, I blocked you for six months. After that Twitter war where everyone took your side I wasn't sure I wanted to see you.

_**Lance**_ : hello from the outside

_**Lotor**_ : If you're outside my apartment I'm getting a restraining order.

_**Lance**_ : at least i can say that ive tried

_**Lotor**_ : Tried to do what?

_**Lance**_ : to tell u im sorry for breaking ur heart

_**Lotor**_ : You didn't break my heart Lance, just pissed me off a little.

_**Lance**_ : but it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear u apart anymore

_**Lotor**_ : Well... sometimes I still get mad about it. We could've been good friends.

_**Lance**_ : hello how are u?

_**Lotor**_ : I've been good, I guess.

_**Lance**_ : its so typical of me to talk about myself im sorry

_**Lotor**_ : That's actually very true. Good to see you can actually admit to these things now, though.

_**Lance**_ : i hope that ur well

_**Lotor**_ : That's very sweet of you, Lance.

_**Lance**_ : did u ever make it out of that town where nothing ever happened?

_**Lotor**_ : As a matter of fact, I did move apartments recently.

_**Lance**_ : its no secret that the both of us

_**Lotor**_ : What?

_**Lance**_ : are running out of time

_**Lotor**_ : Well, I'm good but with your reckless streak I wouldn't be all that surprised if you dropped off a cliff.

_**Lance**_ : so hello from the other side

_**Lotor**_ : Are you really trying to clear the air?

_**Lance**_ : i must have called a thousand times

_**Lotor**_ : I guess you really are sincere...

_**Lance**_ : to tell u im sorry for everything that ive done

_**Lotor**_ : It would be nice to put this animosity behind us. Glad you can finally admit you were in the wrong.

_**Lance**_ : but when i call u never seem to be home

_**Lotor**_ : I am sorry about blocking you. That's still on you, though.

_**Lance**_ : hello from the outside

_**Lotor**_ : This is really sweet of you Lance, I must say I'm surprised.

_**Lance**_ : at least i can say that ive tried

_**Lotor**_ : You've succeeded. Now you can ditch those other stupid channels you hang around on to make videos with me! My channel's very popular!

_**Lance**_ : nope that's it fuck this and fuck u

_**Lance**_ : im not doing this anymore

_**Lance**_ : insult me and my 'classless' channel all u want but if u try and insult my friends ill fite you

_**Lance**_ : remember what got us into this mess the first time?

_**Lotor**_ : No???

_**Lance**_ : u insulted pidge's channel on twitter you asshat

_**Lance**_ : and u misgendered T H E M in the process

_**Lotor**_ : Pidge? She's just got a stupid gaming channel, you see those every day.

_**Lance**_ : pidge is the least stupid person in existence, and their channel is wonderful

_**Lance**_ : nobody's as good at videogames as pidge

_**Lance**_ : ur just jealous of my squad because everyone knows allura has better beauty channel than you

_**Lotor**_ : Now you're just being petty.

_**Lance**_ : oh i am v petty

_**Lance**_ : insult my friends again and i won't be so tame this time

_**Lotor**_ : Tame? You roasted me on Twitter until I blocked your account.

_**Lotor**_ : What're you going to do this time?

_**Lance**_ : ill get keith

_**Lotor**_ : You wouldn't

_**Lance**_ : i would

_**Lotor**_ : Well good luck getting him to the UK

_**Lance**_ : allura lives in the UK and she can beat you up just as good

_**Lance**_ : lotor

_**Lance**_ : bitch u blocked me again didn't u

_**Lance**_ : good fucking riddance tbh

 

_Block this number?_

 

_**Yes**   
_

* * *

 

 

**BONUS:**

 

_**Keith** : _ Lance is it really necessary to roast Lotor on twitter again?

_**Keith** _ : it lasted for two days the last time

_**Lance sent a screenshot** _

_**Keith** _ : hang on i'll help you

 


	5. Into You (Allura)

_**Lance**_ : im so into u, i can barely breathe

_**Allura**_ : Is this meant for Keith?

_**Lance**_ : and all i wanna do is to fall in deep

_**Allura**_ : Uh

_**Lance**_ : but close ain't close enough 'til we cross the line, hey, yeah

_**Allura**_ : Lance you do realize we're both in relationships?

_**Lance**_ : so name a game to play, and i'll roll a dice, hey

_**Allura**_ : Kinky

_**Allura**_ : Wait no I didn't actually mean that

_**Allura**_ : I'm joking Lance,,, please stop

_**Lance**_ : oh baby, look what u started

_**Allura**_ : You started this conversation

_**Lance**_ : the temperature's rising in here

_**Allura**_ : Take off your jacket then

_**Allura**_ : Wait no let's keep our clothes on

_**Lance**_ : is this gonna happen?

_**Allura**_ : No

_**Allura**_ : Wait hang on

_**Lance**_ : been waiting and waiting for u to make a move

_**Allura**_ : Ohmygod tell me you're not

_**Lance**_ : before i make a move

_**Allura**_ : Why didn't I realize sooner?

_**Lance**_ : so baby come light me up

_**Allura**_ : And maybe I'll let you on it

_**Lance**_ : wOAH WHAT

_**Allura**_ : Lance I love Ari

_**Allura**_ : And this song

_**Lance**_ : fOILED AGAIN

_**Lance**_ : guess i can't do a video now

_**Allura**_ : I mean,,, you c o u l d?

_**Lance**_ : wdym

_**Allura**_ : Say the next thing

_**Lance**_ : a little bit dangerous

_**Allura**_ : But baby that's how I want it

_**Lance**_ : ooh

_**Lance**_ : a little less conversation and a

_**Allura**_ : Little more touch my body

_**Lance**_ : cause i'm so into you, into you into you

_**Allura**_ : Got everyone watching us

_**Lance**_ so, baby, let's keep it secret

_**Allura**_ : A little bit scandalous

_**Lance**_ : but baby don't let them see it

_**Allura**_ : A little less conversation and a

_**Lance**_ : little more touch my body

_**Allura**_ : 'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you, oh yeah

_**Lance**_ : this could take some time, hey

_**Allura**_ : I made too many mistakes

_**Lance**_ : better get this right, right, baby

_**Allura**_ : Oh, baby, look what you started

_**Lance**_ : the temperature's rising in here

_**Allura**_ : is this gonna happen?

_**Lance**_ : been waiting and waiting for you to make a move

_**Allura**_ : Before I make a move

_**Lance**_ : sO BABY COME LIGHT ME UP

_**Allura**_ : AND MAYBE I'LL LET YOU ON IT

_**Lance**_ : A LITTLE BIT DANGEROUS

_**Allura**_ : BUT, BABY, THAT'S HOW I WANT IT

_**Lance**_ : A LITTLE LESS CONVERSATION AND A

_**Allura**_ : LITTLE MORE TOUCH MY BODY

_**Lance**_ : CAUSE IM SO INTO YOU, INTO YOU, INTO YOU

_**Allura**_ : GOT EVERYONE WATCHING US

_**Lance**_ : SO BABY LET'S KEEP IT SECRET

_**Allura**_ : A LITTLE BIT SCANDALOUS

_**Lance**_ : BUT BABY DONT LET THEM SEE IT

_**Allura**_ : A LITTLE LESS CONVERSATION AND A

_**Lance**_ : LITTLE MORE TOUCH MY BODY

_**Allura**_ : CAUSE I'M SO INTO YOU

_**Lance**_ : INTO YOU

_**Allura**_ : INTO YOU

_**Lance**_ : okay i'm cutting this off but,,, amazing

_**Lance**_ : ur amazing

_**Lance**_ : i only did this because it's good for pranks

_**Allura**_ : I don't know if your viewers will enjoy that

_**Allura**_ : But we did so I call it a win

_**Lance**_ : agreed

* * *

 

**BONUS:**

_**Keith**_ : would you like to tell me why I can hear you singing from outside the apartment

_**Lance**_ : blame allura

_**Keith**_ : ...should I even ask?

_**Lance sent a screenshot** _

_**Keith**_ : I hate you

_**Lance**_ : hmmmm

_**Lance**_ : well i know you forgot to bring key out again cause it's on the nightstand soooo

_**Lance**_ : if u want me to let u in ur gonna have to b a bit nicer

_**Keith**_ : oh fuck off

_**Keith**_ : okay fine I love you

_**Keith**_ : Lance?

_**Keith**_ : Lance open the fucking door

_**Lance**_ : im about to

_**Lance**_ : keep ur pants on

_**Keith**_ : keep... my pants on???

_**Lance**_ : its

_**Lance**_ : an expression, keith

_**Keith**_ : why would I take my pants off in the hall??

_**Lance**_ : just

_**Lance**_ : ill be right there

 


	6. Musicals (Hunk)

_**Lance**_ : can we try to have an optimistic outlook?

_**Lance**_ : huh?

_**Hunk**_ : Do you realize who you're talking to? When am I not optimistic?

_**Lance**_ : can we buck up just enough to see the world won't fall apart?

_**Hunk**_ : Hmmm

_**Lance**_ : maybe this year, we decide

_**Hunk**_ : Lance

_**Lance**_ : we're not giving up before we've tried

_**Hunk**_ : Lance, I know what you're doing

_**Lance**_ : this year, we make a new start

_**Hunk**_ : Lance, this is Dear Evan Hansen

_**Lance**_ : hOW DO U KNOW ABOUT IT ALREADY WHAT THE FUCK

_**Hunk**_ : It's good, so I know about it

_**Lance**_ : thought i might get u with that one

_**Hunk**_ : Sorry dude

_**Hunk**_ : Why do you insist on trying musicals? I know all of them already??

_**Lance**_ : it's a matter of stubbornness at this point

_**Lance**_ : one day i'll find one u haven't heard yet

_**Hunk**_ : Pfft good luck with that man

* * *

_**Lance**_ : i'm waiting for my porno to load

_**Hunk**_ : Gross

_**Lance**_ : my brain is gonna freakin explode

_**Lance**_ : and now of course it's time to hit the road

_**Hunk**_ : Oh wait never mind

_**Hunk**_ : this is Be More Chill

_**Lance**_ : i despise u

_**Hunk**_ : Lance, we've been over this, I introduced it to you

_**Lance**_ : s t i l l

_**Hunk**_ : Why didn't you do the “c'mon”'s or “go”'s

_**Lance**_ : knew ud figure it out

_**Hunk**_ : But I did that anyway

_**Lance**_ : well aren't u perfect

_**Hunk**_ : :P

* * *

_**Lance**_ : good news!

_**Hunk**_ : What?

_**Lance**_ : she's dead!

_**Hunk**_ : wHAT??????

_**Lance**_ : the witch of the west is dead!

_**Hunk**_ : Oh my god you almost gave me a heart attack

_**Lance**_ : the wickedest witch there ever was

_**Hunk**_ : Lance I know this is Wicked

_**Lance**_ : the enemy of all of us here in oz

_**Lance**_ : is dead!

_**Hunk**_ : You seriously thought you could fool me with lyrics like that?

_**Lance**_ : fuck u

_**Hunk**_ : :/

* * *

_**Lance**_ : how does a bastard, orphan,

_**Hunk**_ : Don't you even try me

_**Lance**_ : son of a whore and a scotsman

_**Hunk**_ : Lance you know this is my favorite musical

_**Lance**_ : dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot in the Caribbean

_**Hunk**_ : Lance I know all the words to this song

_**Lance**_ : by providence, impoverished, in squalor

_**Hunk**_ : Grow up to be a hero and a scholar? :)

_**Lance**_ : nOW YOU'RE TAKING MY L I N E S?

_**Hunk**_ : I can't believe you tried to fool me with Hamilton

_**Hunk**_ : I'm insulted

_**Hunk**_ : You also keep doing opening songs,,, where's your creativity??

_**Lance**_ : ugh

* * *

_**Lance**_ : sugar

_**Hunk**_ : Honey honey

_**Lance**_ : sugar

_**Hunk**_ : Sorry I had to

_**Lance**_ : sugar

_**Hunk**_ : Is this your new pet name for me?

_**Lance**_ : butter

_**Hunk**_ : Oh, so we're mixing it up now

_**Lance**_ : sugar

_**Hunk**_ : See what I did there

_**Lance**_ : butter

_**Hunk**_ : Mixing?

_**Lance**_ : flour

_**Hunk**_ : See because you're listing ingredients

_**Lance**_ : sugar butter flour

_**Hunk**_ : Is this just your way of telling me to bake you something?

_**Hunk**_ : You don't have to ask

_**Lance**_ : sugar

_**Lance**_ : butter

_**Lance**_ : flour

_**Hunk**_ : L a n c e

_**Lance**_ : my hands pluck the things i know that i'll need

_**Hunk**_ : Ah

_**Lance**_ : i'll take the sugar and butter from the pantry

_**Hunk**_ : I should've known

_**Lance**_ : i add the flour to begin what i am hoping to start

_**Hunk**_ : Lance come on, did you seriously think I wouldn't catch onto this one?

_**Hunk**_ : You're even doing the opening song again

_**Lance**_ : and then it's down with the recipe and bake from the heart

_**Hunk**_ : This is the Waitress, Lance

_**Lance**_ : how the fUCK

_**Lance**_ : do u make it ur business to know every broadway musical ever?

_**Hunk**_ : Yep

_**Lance**_ : but w h y that one's really new

_**Hunk**_ : Lance the protagonist bakes pies

_**Hunk**_ : Why would I not be all over a musical that has numerous songs about baking

_**Lance**_ : sometimes i regret being ur friend

_**Hunk**_ : If you come over now I'll make you a pie

_**Lance**_ : nEVER MIND I LOVE U

_**Hunk**_ : I know

_**Lance**_ : bro

_**Lance**_ : blueberry?

_**Hunk**_ : You got it

_**Lance**_ : IM OMW

 


	7. Fight For Me (Hunk)

_**Lance**_ : holy shit...

_**Hunk**_ : What is it what's wrong I'm already worried

_**Lance**_ : why when u see boys fight does it look so horrible

_**Hunk**_ : WHY ARE YOU NEAR A FIGHT WHAT'S GOING ON?

_**Lance**_ : yet... feel so right?

_**Hunk**_ : Oh no you don't

_**Hunk**_ : I don't wanna hear about what gets you aroused man

_**Lance**_ : i shouldn't watch this crap

_**Hunk**_ : Agreed

_**Lance**_ : that's not who i am

_**Hunk**_ : Yes you're a good person Lance get out of there

_**Lance**_ : but with this kid…

_**Hunk**_ : DOES THIS MEAN KEITH IS A FIGHT? DO I HAVE TO CALL SHIRO?

_**Hunk**_ : Are you actually attracted to your boyfriend because he's fighting someone

_**Lance**_ : damn

_**Hunk**_ : D u d e

_**Lance**_ : hey, mister no-name kid

_**Hunk**_ : Lance you've been together for years

_**Lance**_ : so who might u be?

_**Hunk**_ : Is this like,,, the story of how you two met? While Keith was beating someone up

_**Hunk**_ : I mean I wouldn't be surprised but

_**Hunk**_ : I thought you met at VidCon?

_**Lance**_ : and could u fight for me

_**Hunk**_ : This is sappy, even for you

_**Lance**_ : hey, could u face the crowd

_**Hunk**_ : I feel like you're ignoring me and I'm still not sure if I should call Shiro

_**Lance**_ : could u b seen with me

_**Lance**_ : and still act proud?

_**Hunk**_ : Aww Lance of course he could, he's not ashamed of you

_**Lance**_ : hey, could u hold my hand

_**Hunk**_ : YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE!!!

_**Hunk**_ : Wait no I'm not encouraging fights I just think you're good together

_**Lance**_ : and could u carry me through no man's land

_**Hunk**_ : Okay well is this cute or dangerous I can't decide

_**Lance**_ : it's fine if u don't agree

_**Hunk**_ : BUT I'M WORRIED

_**Lance**_ : but i would fight for u

_**Hunk**_ : Me or Keith? You'd probably fight for both actually, but

_**Lance**_ : if u would fight for me

_**Hunk**_ : I mean I'd take you home and fix you up AFTER the fight but I'm not punching anyone

_**Lance**_ : let them drive us underground

_**Hunk**_ : Woah, what? Your apartment is so nice though!!

_**Lance**_ : i don't care how far

_**Hunk**_ : I DO YOU HAVE TO BE CLOSE ENOUGH TO COME OVER SO I CAN MAKE YOU FOOD

_**Hunk**_ : ARE YOU GUYS MOVING AGAIN?

_**Lance**_ : u can set my broken bones and i know cpr

_**Hunk**_ : WHAT THE FUDGE

_**Hunk**_ : YOU BROKE A BONE?

_**Hunk**_ : WHERE ARE YOU TWO I'M COMING OVER THERE RIGHT NOW

_**Lance**_ : well

_**Hunk**_ : WELL WHAT??? WHAT'S GOING ON ARE YOU OKAY?

_**Lance**_ : whoa u can punch real good

_**Hunk**_ : I??? What??? Are you still observing Keith through the phone?

_**Lance**_ : u've lasted longer than i thought you would

_**Hunk**_ : HOW AM I NOT SUPPOSED TO BE CONCERNED BY THAT?

_**Lance**_ : so hey, mister no-name kid

_**Hunk**_ : LANCE STOP IGNORING ME

_**Lance**_ : if some night ur free

_**Hunk**_ : Ew stop that right now

_**Hunk**_ : I don't want to know what stuff you and Keith get up to, Pidge says you probably have some really weird kink

_**Lance**_ : wanna fight for me?

_**Hunk**_ : Maybe this fighting thing is your weird kink

_**Lance**_ : if ur still alive

_**Hunk**_ : WHAT DO YOU MEAN IF YOU'RE STILL ALIVE

_**Hunk**_ : ARE YOU AND KEITH OKAY

_**Lance**_ : i would fight for u

_**Hunk**_ : LANCE

_**Lance**_ : if u would fight for me

_**Hunk**_ : LANCE ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW STOP BEING ALL PHILOSOPHICAL

_**Hunk**_ : ARE YOU TWO OKAY???

_**Lance**_ : holy shit...

_**Hunk**_ : LANCE?????

_**Lance**_ : im fine dw

_**Hunk**_ : THEN WHY THE HECK WOULD YOU DO THAT

_**Lance**_ : it's a song from Heathers

_**Hunk**_ : What?

_**Hunk**_ : Isn't Heathers that 80's movie?

_**Lance**_ : ye but it's ALSO a musical

_**Lance**_ : i fooled u son

_**Hunk**_ : It's not a musical I've never heard of it

_**Lance**_ : off broadway

_**Hunk**_ : ...Well played.

_**Lance**_ : sorry for worrying u

_**Hunk**_ : I'm just glad you're okay

_**Hunk**_ : And somewhat impressed

_**Lance**_ : imagine me bowing

_**Hunk**_ : I don't doubt that you are

_**Lance**_ : SHIRO JUST STORMED INTO OUR APARTMENT WHAT THE FUCK

_**Lance**_ : HE'S LECTURING KEITH FOR GETTING INTO MORE FIGHTS I'M DED

_**Lance**_ : WHAT HAVE U DONE

_**Hunk**_ : I'm a concerned best friend don't blame me

_**Hunk**_ : This is what you get when you prank people

_**Lance**_ : keith is hysterically laughing because he knows what this is about but thats just making shiro angrier

_**Lance**_ : im gonna go handle this and explain the situation

_**Hunk**_ : Good luck

_**Hunk**_ : It's your funeral

_**Lance**_ : wow thanks for the vote of confidence

_**Hunk**_ : Sorry

_**Hunk**_ : Am I still in the will?

_**Lance**_ : well im giving most everything to keith or my siblings

_**Lance**_ : and pidge wants all my tech

_**Lance**_ : but ur still in the will, obvi

_**Hunk**_ : You've... given this an alarming amount of thought??? Should I be worried

_**Lance**_ : would u know who was gonna get ur stuff if ud nearly died as many times as me

_**Hunk**_ : …Fair

_**Lance**_ : plus i've got more money than u because i've got more subscribers :)

_**Hunk**_ : Wow

_**Hunk**_ : Never mind I don't want anything from your will

_**Lance**_ : u can do my eulogy

_**Hunk**_ : Bro!

_**Hunk**_ : For real?

_**Lance**_ : yea keith sucks at words

_**Lance**_ : but i love him anyway

_**Hunk**_ : Bro

_**Hunk**_ : Bro that's pretty gay bro

_**Lance**_ : yep

_**Lance**_ : well speaking of gay im gonna go help my boyfriend

_**Hunk**_ : And I'll get working on that eulogy

_**Lance**_ : lol see ya

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus concludes the saga of Lance irritating his friends (and Lotor) over text message. I hope you enjoyed.


End file.
